Jullian-Mikael was born via C-section because my pregnancies were too close. He was a very happy baby, never cried or fussed. Always smiling and cooing. He's just started to giggle before he passed, if you'd tickle right under his chin. He loved his brother so much they'd always play together on the tummy time mat
It was the night of October 28th 2022 I just got home from work probably around 11pm. I accidentally hit his tummy time mat that had dangling toys that made sounds which woke him up. Nothing was out of the ordinary he wanted to coo and smile and watch TV with mommy. It was around midnight he had a bottle before going back to bed I burped him and layed him down.
Then around 6am the 29th I was woken by my 2 year old son, all he did was say "mom". That's the moment I realized a mother's worst nightmare had happened to me. I saw my baby lifeless, not cold not warm. Not breathing. I jumped up and ran to my husband screaming, "the baby's not breathing!!" It took him a minute to realize what I was actually saying. He jumped up quickly, took the baby and started CPR. I called 911 and the lady on the phone began to explain what to do. It felt like an eternity until help arrived although it was probably only 5 minutes. I remember they came in, put my baby on our table, cut his clothes off and shot him some adrenaline.
The paramedics then prepared to take him to the hospital. My husband went along with them initially, I couldn't mentally do it, plus, I had to stay with my other son. Not too long after my arrival to the hospital I thought they brought him back because I saw my husband holding him, rocking him, and singing to him. That's when reality hit me. I thought he was okay, but when my husband looked at me and shook his head my soul left my body. Everything was just frozen and stayed that way for days. Everyone else kept living and I was just stuck back to the moment. I opened my eyes in the morning replaying every little detail, all of the "what if" scenarios every day. As soon as I wake up I check to see if it was all just a dream. I will probably do that for the rest of my life.
Written by his mother Shyra Kylee Logan.